You Kept Me Alive

You were so busy looking up to me, being appreciative of all that I have done for you and being thankful that I am your mother that you did not notice that I was looking up at you.  You see, while you were busy looking up to me, I was being appreciative of you.  Without your knowing, you saved my life.  It was thoughts of you that kept me from committing suicide years ago when your father beat me merciless for years. Thoughts of you kept me from the grave and hell.  The thoughts of what would happen to you if I died kept me holding on to complete college, put one foot in front of the other daily and refuse to give up or in.  More than you know, it was you, all of my children that kept me alive.

Even today, when God awakens me each morning, it is you I keep praying for thereby keeping me close to God, and you I keep in my prayers before I lay me down to sleep at night.    Thoughts of you keep me on the straight and narrow and keep me striving higher.  You as a unit keep me grounded and keep me examining myself on a daily basis.  Being a good example is and shall continue to be important because of you.  Doing the right thing that you reap good and not evil is on my mind and teaching you and my grandchildren by example too.  You keep me grounded, alive and sharp in mind.  I watched you to see what a good marriage could be and keep living to help guide you.  Without God having loan me children and given me grandchildren, I am not sure of what I would have become, done or what my end would have been.  Thanks to God and you, I found strength in weakness, pride in my daily actions and the strength to rise above the ashes of being an abused, fearful and timid woman.  Now I am a God driven powerhouse.  So remember when I am no longer of flesh in this world, when you feel sorrowful or bad that you did not say to me that I was right about this or that, know that Mama knows that you will understand some day.  Understand that time and experience brings about wisdom in most people and that getting wisdom is a principal thing.

When your children have pushed what you think is your last button, look through their mess and find the blessings, read this writing to them on a weekly basis and if you are lucky, they will finally get it, that they are the ones who can save you too.

Lovingly and Forever,

Your Mama, Mother, Nanny, Matriarch and Friend