If I could, I would do it all over again. I would spend more time with each of you and hold each of you closer, if I but could. If I could, I would take back many things and do so many more, if I could. Knowing that I cannot, I am grateful for these last days. I was blessed to spend time with each of you, blessed to be told by each of you that I am loved and in turn I said I love you too. Blessed that God did not allow me to die alone or be found dead, causing you the pain of wondering what happened or if you could have made a difference. Instead, God allowed all of you to spend time with me. He knows your hearts and even allowed my James to take me the last miles of the way. Although you were tired, you took me where I would be loved and cared for. You took me home son; all the way. You obeyed my wishes like a loving and dutiful son.

Everything happened the way that it should, so have no regrets. Although it took me a long time to get home Ann, God blessed me to be with you.

Dry your tears, for this is the way it was meant to be. A mother is not supposed to bury her children, but they her. She wants to lay her eyes on them before she departs, that she knows they will be all right. Man can only delay God’s plans, but he cannot stop them. It was time for me to return to my father. You see, I have reclaimed my place in God and when I called he answered me. Now I am happy because my life is fulfilled.

I spent time with my grand-children and learned that I have a great-grand on the way; what joy. In one swoop God allowed me to see my three sons together and spend time with you sister and family. You too are not left to wonder what my end was, because God allowed me to make it home to you. You were near me when I drew my last breath.

I am so grateful and especially to you my James. Although difficult tasks were placed upon you, by the grace of God you came through for me. Then again, it was you who always came through for me. You are my little big man. You are the one who went the last miles of the way with me. You did not falter, but stayed the course, that my soul may be at rest.

Know that someday all will make this journey. Almost every child will know what it is to have a parent transition. We cry because in our humanity we hunger for what we know. For now we know in part, but someday we will understand fully. Then we will wonder what all the fuss was about dying.

Live well sons. Love your children and hold tightly to your wives. Know that God has gifted you and know that it is up to you how well you live your lives. If I could wish three wishes, they would be that you learn to forgive that you may be forgiven, that you come to truly know God and not just the book, that you may find peace. Without these two ingredients, you won’t be able to love, which is my third wish and in turn receive the love God is sending your way.

Now I say thank each of you for your love, your patience, your forgiveness and prayers. With the whisper of his wind in my ear and the blinding light of his glory before me, I now walk into my eternity. I will be there waiting for you, because all shall not sleep. May you all prosper in the years God grant you and may you never forget, that I loved you all with the love that I had. July 13, 2011 Cr. Ms. Alice B. Nixon-Barr. This work is not to be duplicated in any form, placed in a retrieval system or used in any medium, without the written permission of the above named author. CR